One true love
by onmyside
Summary: What happens after Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes returned from the station. A short one shot about moving on and letting the past be the past - finally. Spoilers for series 4.


_A/N Follows "A new chapter" in terms of timeline and spoilers. But they are two separate stories. Looking forward to the "secrets" Mr Carson still has to tell about his past. Enjoy reading and let me know what you think. As always: characters are not mine. No copyright infringement intended._

**One true love**

It way lying on top of a pile of wine ledgers, the back stained, the corners brittle by age. He had turned it upside down, could not look at her face any more. There was a time when he had almost forgotten what she looked like but he had never picked up the old photograph to remember her. It had stayed hidden in the old wooden box, covered underneath old papers, letters and postcards from a different life. Now her image would not get out of his mind. Whenever he closed his eyes she was there, smiling at him, laughing. He shook his head, tried to clear it. She was gone, dead, in the past. Just a memory, he told himself over and over again. There was no point in letting her take over his life again.

For one last time he picked up the old photograph, carefully studied her face before he tore it in two halves. "Goodbye Alice."

He got up, switched off the lights and closed the door behind him.

"Shall we go up? It's been a long day." She had waited for him outside his pantry, and offered him an encouraging smile. She looked tired but after the busy day they had had that was understandable and expected. He was actually glad she was there, a real friend, not a dead woman on a faded photograph, a nostalgic memory.

"We better have. I can hardly keep my eyes open and might fall asleep on the spot." A little joke, thrown in to lighten his mood. It made her smile even more and touch his arm ever so lightly. A nice and welcoming gesture after the hardships of the day.

"Poor man." She accepted his light tone, continued the relaxed evening chat between friends. Work ruled most of their day from the moment they woke up to the time they went to bed. Why keep up the roles of butler and housekeeper after all their chores were attended to? He needed to let go now, replace that picture of Alice with that of the woman right in front of him.

"I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day." She offered, still standing there on the dimly lit corridor in front of his door. "We could use some rest, peace and quiet."

"We've earned it you mean?" He took a tentative step forwards, not too close but close enough so that she had to tilt her head back more than usual to look up at him.

"Yes." Her hand returned to the spot on his arm it had touched earlier, lingered there this time as if to say 'I'm here now, forget the past.' "Especially after today's events."

ooooo

The early morning hours were her favourite time of the day. Outside it was still dark at this time of the year. The moon had yet to disappear from the sky. In the east the first faint glow of sunshine was visible from her window in the attic bedroom. She stood in front of her small vanity mirror, braiding and pinning up her hair, getting ready for the new day. A knock on the door next to her room told her, that it was only six in the morning. Ivy had started her rounds and was waking the housemaids one by one.

She finished her hairdo, then closed the small window behind her that had let in the fresh and cool morning air. Her usual routine started at seven but sometimes she needed the quietness of an early start into the day to sort her thoughts. And she had fought with a lot of those during the short night's rest.

His face, the look he gave her when leaving the platform. The sadness in his eyes. An emotion she had not seen in them before, at least not to that extent. But there had not been an opportunity to talk to him about what had happened because he had spent the rest of the day in his pantry, delegating most of his tasks to Thomas. She had not spoken to him much, had not mentioned Grigg or that woman again. The wound needed time to heal now and she hoped he would allow it to do so.

ooooo

The kitchen was already busy when she walked around the corner on her way to her sitting room. The door to his pantry was closed, no light streamed through the cracks. She had hoped he would be up early too, had wanted him to accompany her on a short walk in the gardens before breakfast. It was the best method she knew to get rid of unwanted thoughts and memories.

From the kitchen Mrs Patmore's voice brought her out of her short reverie.

"You're up early. Shall I fetch you some tea and toast?" The cook appeared next to her in the doorway, hands buried in the pockets of her apron.

"That would be lovely, thank you Mrs Patmore." The other woman nodded her head and turned around to hand over the task to Daisy. "Wait! Prepare a tray for Mr Carson too."

By the smile on the cook's face she could tell that the second tray would have been prepared anyway, even without her asking for it. They all knew each other well downstairs.

ooooo

A fire had been lit already in his pantry, warmed up the dark room and made it cosy and comfortable for a long working day. She set the tray directly on his desk pushing away some of his paperwork to the left and right. A piece of card fell on the floor and she bent down to pick it up.

The face of a woman stared back at her with dark eyes. Alice Neale, the photograph he had kept for so many years was torn into pieces. A part of his past had been destroyed, and put to rest. For a long time the portrait of this woman had lain buried in a box somewhere in a cupboard as a constant reminder of what could have and once had been. Seeing it ripped apart made her sad although she could understand this reasons to do so. Had not she encouraged him to close that wound? To move on?

She studied the face on the photograph. It was that of a young woman, probably in her late twenties or early thirties, with dark hair and dark eyes. She was a ghost from his past, from a life Elsie did know only a few bits of, but wished to learn more about. Maybe he would tell her one day. He had at least finally made a start yesterday. Carefully she put the picture back on his table, on top of the other half, covered it with a book and then started to arrange tea and toast for him.

ooooo

"She's gone." He had observed her through the open door, had not wanted to disturb or startle her. She looked up, surprised to hear his voice. Sadness and understanding were reflected in her face.

"Grigg told me that she died a few years ago." He continued, then crossed the room until he stood next to her. "I didn't know that." Underneath the book a corner of the picture was still visible, reminding him of what he had done last night. He tried to ignore it, let his eyes wander along the table, studied her hands that held the teacup and a spoon, then slowly lifted his head to look into her face.

"Now you know more about my past than anyone else."

Gently he took the two items out of her hands and placed them carefully back where they belonged.

"She broke your heart then?"

He could see in her eyes that this question pained her as much as his answer would hurt him. But he had to close this wound now and forever.

"Yes. She chose Charlie Grigg. Not me all these years ago."

"And…" she hesitated, could not look him in the eye, "… you loved her?"

"I did." He swallowed hard. Never before had he told another person close to him about his relationship with Alice. He had always kept it secret, had desperately tried to forget her.

"I hope you can forgive her now." She busied herself with his tea now, poured a cup, added sugar and a bit of milk. "Because she does not deserve to be a part of bad memories."

"She's gone." He repeated in a whisper. "She's the past. I will forgive her and Grigg. But it will take time."

She handed him the cup, looked him in the eyes once again. "That's good." A genuine smile graced her face and he almost reached out with his free hand to touch her cheek. But it was too soon for him to move on though he looked forward to the day when he found the courage to take this step.

"Will you join me for a short walk before breakfast?" Her question surprised him but the request was not unwelcome. They still had time before they started into another busy day. And he had made up his mind last night, had long thought about his work here, his colleagues and friends, her in particular. Without restraint he offered her is arm, then put the cup back on the table.

"I'd love to Mrs Hughes." And her face brightened up even more. Gone was the sad and worried expression he had seen on it minutes before. It was then that he knew he had made the right decision and chosen the woman he truly loved.

* * *

THE END


End file.
